"A Bucket of Scones"

 Look, I know you wanted something for Halloween, but all I have is this half-started entry I'd had sitting around for a while.  Gasp at its spookiness:

Is this blog going to consist exclusively from now on of obscure stories I remember with unearned fondness from my childhood?  Maybe.  Or maybe I just need to decompress as I and everyone else wait for the end of the world.  Blah.

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"What if...? Donald Duck Became the Mighty Thor"

 Gotta be honest: I'm not a big fan of that punctuation system where the question mark isn't at the end.  But it's what we've been given.

Well, I guess we're doing this.  Must we?  Yes, we must.  But fair warning: if this is bad, I'm not going to be as circumspect in my criticisms as I was with that Wolverine story.  This is Marvel, fercryinoutloud, and they shouldn't be able to keep getting away with nonsense.  So, let's have a look, with an open mind to the best of our ability, and see.

In media res.  Hey, Barks did that sometimes!  Maybe this'll be as good as his work!  Sure, let's start with that assumption.

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"The Vat Man"

Ha!  Bet you didn't expect to see me talking about THIS, did you?  Good lord it would be weird if you did.  Well, what happened is that, in the entry on "Family Fun," I made a casual disparaging reference to Daisy and Donald as a metonym for "bad late Western Disney comics" in general.  But then I thought, huh.  I dunno.  Have I ever actual READ anything from that particular line?  The main reason I wouldn't have I think is because I see that title and think, oh gawd, this is going to be NOTHING but regressive gender stereotypes, isn't it?  That sounds hard to take.  But out of curiosity, I dipped into it, and found THIS, from 1979: truly the Götterdämmerung of Disney comics.  Let's take a look, shall we?

'Cause he's a vat man.  Yeah, he's a vat man.  Got some Bob Gregory art for you to enjoy.  Inducks doesn't say, but I'm gonna go ahead and assume that Gregory also wrote this.  It's silly and disposable, of course, but you know what?  It COULD be worse!  We have seen MANY examples of it being worse.

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"What if...? Donald Duck Became Wolverine"

Another entry so quickly?  Well, this is an emergency, obviously.  Indeed...what if?  I'm aware that that's a long-time Marvel conceit, but that's about it.  I suppose I should stay current with these things.  My public demands it!  I feel like the publication of this book must've been timed to coincide with the release of Deadpool & Wolverine, even though they have very little in common.  I suppose that Wolverine is kind of down-and-out in both of them?  Whatever.  For the record, though, I really enjoyed the crass, violent movie.  It was hella fun and had a lot of heart.  So say I.  So!  How about this here comic?  It certainly feels more like what you'd've expected from "Marvel meets Disney" than that Multiverse book did.  For better or worse or neutraler.

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"Family Fun"

 Well, okay, as long as I'm here, I might as well retreat to my usual remit: weird, bad-ish old Western stories.  Hey, it's SUMMER FUN; you can hardly object.  And having written that, I then realize that it's not "Summer Fun;" it's Family Fun.  And it was first published in October.  There goes MY rationale.  Well, like it or not, here it is.  I will say, though, to whet your appetite, that this actually does have one legit interesting thing in it.  I mean, dumb, too; don't get your hopes up too high.  Still--look forward to it!  

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"Uncle Scrooge and The Infinity Dime"

Should I say something about this "Infinity Dime" thing?  I probably should, shouldn't I?  I mean, if I'm pretending that this blog still exists to any extent.  My recent silence is only partly my usual flakiness; it's also because I'm dealing with shit.  Not life-threatening shit, but shit shit.  You know.  I think I'm going to be at least a little more active here for a while.  Inshallah. 

This story was met--at least if my facebook feed is anything to go by--with considerable skepticism: Marvel making Disney comics?  How will this not turn into a bad joke?  Certainly, the 703 variant covers they released didn't inspire a great deal of faith in the proceedings.

To start, we get one of these intros like you do from the writer, Jason Aaron, where he's like you guys, I've been a fan FOREVER, Scrooge is THE BEST, and...I really shouldn't mock.  Obviously I get the impulse.  It's fine, and there's no use shaming anyone.  THAT SAID, I just have to point to this:

"I've been a massive Disney fan for about as long as I've been reading comics, which is all my life.  But I didn't read my first Uncle Scrooge story until my son was born."  Hmm...what can one say in response to that?

Phoenix Wright would NEVER let that slide.

(Kidding, Jason; all in good fun.  You seem cool, and what's more, my brother said he'd enjoyed some of your superhero work.)

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"The Case of the Sticky Money"

 Man, I always feel SO accused when we get into spring--MID spring!--and my last post was in December.  Oh well!  Let's try to make something happen. And to start, because when else will we get the chance, let's just take a look at Barks' one-pager for this issue:

The idea of them offing one another in this Sword-of-Damocles fashion is a little macabre.  But really, I mainly wanted to point out that this McDuck v Bulgewallet duel is precipitated by an argument over...who's richer.  Now, we have the idea that it's so well-established that Scrooge is definitely, absolutely, one hundred percent the richest, and that's all there is to it.  Pretenders like Glomgold and Rockerduck only reinforce the notion.  And yeah, that was obviously Barks' initial and continuing concept.  And yet, things like this suggest to me that this was pretty mutable in Barks' mind, subject to change if that's necessary for a story he wants to write.  I don't think a contemporary duck writer would write a scene where Scrooge implicitly concedes the possibility that the other guy might be richer.  But maybe they should!  

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"Christmas Down the Centuries"

It sounds unbelievable when I say it like this, but it's true: in the history of this blog, I have written about a grand total of one Brazilian story (this weirdo).  What can I say?  They just aren't published overseas with much frequency; truly, the undiscovered country of the Disney comics world.  I mean, for those of us outside Brazil.  I realize that that was an Amero/Eurocentric thing to say.  But it's still interesting to me!  There has to be so much that we could discover if we were able to delve into that world!  Case in point: today's story, which I have labored to translate into English for you all (this story did see a single French publication, its one appearance not in Portuguese).  I may not have written about a lot of stories this Christmas, but I have good news: I've decided that one translation counts the same as ten commentaries.  What could "count" possibly mean in this context?  It is a mystery!  But it really Goes to Show.  Show what?  Well, you'll know soon enough.  I must credit Elaine for bringing it to my attention.  You would not be reading this otherwise.

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"Spaced-Out Christmas"

Here's a story that I found whilst rummaging around looking for something good to write about!  It was published as part of IDW's much-lamented run.  I'd only read it once before, and hadn't been overly impressed by it, but on rereading...I actually think it's pretty good.  These things happen: I didn't much care for "Being Good for Goodness Sake" when I first read it, and now it's my favorite Italian Christmas story.  This is not on that level, but that's never stopped me.  Let's check it out.

The opening is certainly festive enough to pass muster.  That's so important.  "Spaced-out" may give you pause as to what is to come, but it's all right.  Let us look, by the by, and this inducks scan of the original printing:

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"The Snow Princess"

Ah yes, the holiday season!  And if you thought I wasn't going to have some Christmas gifts, then you, sir or madame, are a first-class chump.  Assuming I'm able to get my shit together, I should have something extremely interesting to share with y'all on or about Christmas.  But in the meantime, let's enjoy some vaguely Christmas-ish stories, to keep the momentum going.  And let's start with some Barks, since--as incredible as it may sound--I suspect some of you aren't as obsessed with mediocre Western also-rans as I am. 

We can call this "The Snow Princess."  That's fine.  The other title that inducks gives--I think the one that was decided on by whoever at Another Rainbow or whatever--is "Statues of Limitations," which I'd give a C-, maybe.  On the plus side, it IS a pun.  You cannot take that away from it.  On the minus side, "statues" for "statutes?"  In addition to having nothing to do with the story, that is the most boring pun in the world.  I do not approve.  Anyway.  Fifty dollars!  With inflation, that'd be five hundred-some, which is okay, I wouldn't refuse it, but still, it's not as high-stakes as you might think, given what people are willing to do for it.

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"The Fabulous Fiddlesticks"

 Is this appropriate for Halloween?  Well...Venice is commonly associated with Carnival, and with disguise more generally.  There are lots of operas in Venice that take that as a theme: Ponchielli's La Gioconda, Korngold's Violanta, J. Strauss's Eine Nacht in Venedig, of course Britten's Death in Venice.  What point am I making?  That I like opera, and, not to brag, but I know the names of several operatic works.  I think that's public knowledge.  But anyway!  Sure, let's go with it.  Why not?

Man, I was hoping that that "Christmas in July" thing would be the start of me blogging here more regularly, but then I almost immediately had to go and get a job that involved relocating and, you know, doing a lot to get situated; it's not like I don't have free time, but you know how it goes.  Well, here we are.  Let's write about another old Western story.  I was thinking a bit about Bob Gregory, and thinking, man, I know I keep saying that he was generally the best of the non-Barks Western crew, but is that true?  What else can we look at?  And I have the impression that this is one of his more famous stories, based on the fact that I think that I've heard upwards of two people mention it, and in a semi-positive sense at that.  That's about as much positive press as you can expect this kind of story to get.  I did read this when I was small, though it never stood out in my mind as being that great.  Still, let's check it out.

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"Mission to Mangomoa"

 And now, the grand finale of the DCRCIJS!  Well, you can judge for yourself how "grand" it is.  But it's DEFINITELY the finale.

The good news, maybe-kinda, is that this is a Bob-Gregory-penned story.   This wasn't written in his egregiously dumb period, so there's a certain modest level of quality guaranteed, but I wouldn't call this one of this best efforts.  And, even knowing nothing about the specifics of the story, "Mangomoa" might give you vague misgivings.  And, spoiler, those are not unjustified.  But we'll get there when we get there.

But before we do that, why not make yourself some beachy snacks to munch on?  "Sprouting apples" is just odd.  I'm sorry, but I'm just not convinced it is a favorite with the gang.  It's not like apples, celery, and peanut butter is a weird or unappealing combination, but somehow cramming all that stuff into a whole apple just seems...excessive.  Do you really want to eat all that?  Well, especially if you're a kid, you probably find it preferable to "carrot and olive dumbbells," which seems to have been created just because it looks like a thing.  Are you really going to find this delicious?  Olives are kind of an acquired taste, and unless you're one of those weird kids who grew up eating healthy food, I have my doubts.  On the other hand, en gee el, that "pickle in a blanket" sounds kinda delicious to me.  Yes, that might make me weird, but I like all the ingredients  (no, I don't eat bologna, but acceptable vegetarian facsimiles are easily obtained).  Maybe I'll try making one of these.

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"The Gem Jam"

 "The Gem Jam," eh?  As soon as I saw that title, my Fallberg detector started going like crazy.  What, you've never heard of a Fallberg detector?  Every home should have one.  At any rate, in spite of being better known for writing those abominable Paul Murry mouse stories, he also did a lot of ducks--some of them not too bad.  Still, don't expect too much from this one; I'm pretty confident that this is going to be the shortest entry in this series, just because this story really isn't interesting in any way.  Well, it happens; what can you do?

But MY POINT WAS, two-word alliterative titles were extremely Fallberg's jam.  His...gem jam.  Oh, stop it.

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"The Secret of Saltwater Cove"

You know, the openings of these stories often have these glimpses of a kind of utopian blissfulness that evaporates like the morning mist when the actual plot kicks in, which is always very quickly.  Still, I don't know.  We can maybe appreciate these isolated bright spots for what they are, even if the story itself isn't much.  Not that this one is really bad, by the standards of these things, but...worth thinking about, anyway.  How 'bout someone just printing a book consisting of the fragmentary good parts of these forgettable stories?  I'll be the editor.  Granted, the resulting book probably won't appeal to anyone but me, but, well, it would appeal to ME.  What else do you want?

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"The Giant Pearl"

 Hope ya like Tony Strobl, or at least tolerate him, 'cause he's gonna be bringing you the art for all subsequent stories in the DCRCIJS (as I like to call it).  I feel like I shouldn't have complained about "Sea Breeze Sailors" being lumpy, because this really laps that one in that regard.  I'm almost afraid to write this entry, but press on I must.

Anyway, if nothing else, Strobl turns in pretty good work here.  Fairly dynamic sense of movement.

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"Sea Breeze Sailors"

 Here's a "fun" fact: this story has been reprinted twice in the US, more than any of the others we're covering.  Is that justified?  We will see, possibly.

Before we start, take a look at this frontispiece: 

Maybe the fact that these things excite me is a sign I've been doing this too long, but I can't help it; I find this super-interesting.  "A hilarious adventure with Donald and the nephews aboard Uncle Scrooge's yacht."  Now, I'm positive there must be other examples, but this is the first instance I've seen--or at least that I remember--of a Western comic book providing any kind of actual editorial comment regarding the stories.  Is this significant?  Is the story a hilarious adventure with Donald and the nephews aboard Uncle Scrooge's yacht?  Well, somebody's certainly SAYING  it is!  They couldn't print it if it weren't true.  So, you know.

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"Beach Party"

Our first story, from the first Beach Party in 1954, is the only one that I actually read as a child: it was the only Disney Giant that was part of my dad's old collection.  Go figure.  You know, I criticize these things a lot, but they were clearly doing something right.  I'm sure I've noted on multiple occasions that even though the stories in Duck Albums are rarely any great shakes, the concept, really, really resonated with me.  Same thing here: I just loved the idea of a "beach party," which is what all of these stories, in theory, start with, though predictably, they all kind of veer violently away from that initial conceit.  Still!  Look at that!  It promises Fun in the Sun!  Note that although this one doesn't have a title, the others in the series do, so it's okay to just call this "Beach Party."

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Can your heart withstand the excitement of the Duck Comics Revue Christmas in July Spectacular?

Seriously, can it? 'Cause if not, I'll call this whole thing off; the last thing I want is to be responsible for your untimely demise. But if you're good to go, then look forward to it. The most enjoyable Christmas special that I've written was in 2018, when I covered a bunch of marquee stories from old Christmas Parades. They may not exactly have been good, but they were interesting! So this is an attempt to recapture faded glories: we're going to be covering the front stories from all six of Dell's Beach Party giants over the course of the month. At any rate, my plan is to finish by the end of July, but if I miss the deadline, well, let's face it, Christmas in July is really just an excuse for sales at car dealerships, so it's not an exact science. It's done when it's done!

"A Spicy Tale"

 Hey, if you want, you can listen to me'n'Mark blathering about "The Twenty-Four Carat Moon."  To commemorate this occasion, I have chosen to write about a wholly unrelated story.  It's been a long time coming, though, as was me appearing on this podcast, so maybe that's a connection?  Well, maybe not.  Don't be mean to me.

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"The Chickadee Challenge"

 Hey, whaddaya know?  I was on a podcast!  Two, actually, with more to come.  It's Mark Severino's Barks Remarks, and also his spin-off Rosa Remarks, and if you want to know why it took so long for me to do this...well, it was really just a matter of missed communications.  But better late than never; the experience was extremely delightful, so I hope you like them, 'cause you haven't heard the last of me!  Grrr!

We talked about some Junior Woodchucks stories, so I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to write about "Chickadee Challenge"--one that we were contemplating discussing but then didn't.  All things considered, I think that was the right decision, but it's still worth touching on.

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"Inventor of Anything" and "The Cat Box"

 I think it makes sense to talk about these two stories--Barks' second and third Gyro four-pagers--in tandem.  Actually, it might've made sense to include the first one as well, but that ship has sailed.  

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"The Flat-Footed Floogle"

 You definitely shouldn't get used to me churning out blog entires at this pace (who knows, maybe there'll be a six-month gap between this and the next one, though I hope not).  But I'm enjoying this, and here's another Dick Moores story that NEEDS ATTENTION.  To be clear, I'm not planning on writing about his entire oeuvre, nor am I lobbying for a Dick Moores Library.  Still, as weird as it sounds to say, this is true: I'm very likely the biggest living fan of his (I mean, of his duck work--he spent most of his career working on the comic strip Gasoline Alley, of which I know nothing).  How about that?  And yet, even I have to concede that a large percentage of his work is both bad and unwriteaboutable.  You're getting a very curated selection here.

(incidentally, the wikipedia page for Gasoline Alley informs us that it features "storylines reflecting traditional American values," and it just goes to show how toxic the right has made that phrase that it can't not sound ominous as hell.)

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"The Money Bird"

I don't know why I'm so into these old non-Barks Western stories!  Am I like an aging libertine whose palate is so jaded that he has to venture into the realms of the bizarre and possibly illegal to receive any sort of frisson of pleasure?  Maybe!  Was it a good idea for me to make that simile?  Definitely not!  But here we are!

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"Bottled Battlers"

 So here we have another Barks script given life by others.  There's the usual rigamarole with the art: the story was originally drawn by Tony Strobl, but then Daan Jippes swooped in and redid it.  I'm always a bit skeptical about these redraws, and never more so here: there's no cut art to be restored, and Strobl puts in pretty solid work.  I don't have any real complaint about Jippes's art either, but I dunno: regardless of their relative levels of talent, Barks and Strobl came from the same cultural milieu, so to me, his art just seems to fit the story better than Jippes', even if the latter is a more technically proficient artist.

...okay, actually, since I might have a few non-regular readers, I'll explain for the total layperson: Carl Barks was the best Disney artist, and certainly the most prominent.  He retired in 1967, but after his retirement he was convinced to come back to write scripts for other artists to draw, of which he did several dozen.  The original artwork for most of these was pretty indifferent (although I have a soft spot for some of the artists in question, particularly Tony Strobl), which is why most or all of them were redrawn by the Dutch artist Daan Jippes in the '00s.  There; that probably covers that.

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"The Rare Coin"

 Right!  This isn't a Christmas story--no references to the holiday in the text or art; all it is is a winter story--but it did appear in a Dell Christmas Parade.  Even though it's untitled, inducks has chosen an extremely generic name for it.  Good job, inducks!  It's not an exciting story, but I do want to briefly comment on it.

Yeah, so set up the premise quickly, whatever.  Let's have some ice skating fun.  As much as I appreciate Tony Strobl, I have to say, his art here isn't among his best.

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"A Chip 'n' Dale Christmas"

 And now, we come to...Chip 'n' Dale?  What the HECK?!?

Hey, great things come in humble, unassuming packages.  Yes, that is some sort of Christmas metaphor.  We can't all be wise men from the East come with rich gifts.  Also, "great" might be an exaggeration in the current case.  But...what the hey.  I'm afraid this'll be a light entry, but what can I say?  I'm MAKING MERRY, dammit!

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Can Chat GPT do my blogging for me?

Sitting in the Tallinn airport, waiting to go home for Christmas...let's have a little fun, shall we?  Do some low-effort blogging.  Feels festive.

As you may know, Chat GPT is the new hotness--an AI that will write you something for almost any prompt you enter (although, as Maciek realized, it's a bit of a goody two-shoes--it won't write stories about committing crimes or how it's cool to do drugs or things like that).  There was an Atlantic essay recently about how it's going to render high school English classes obsolete.  Well, that's as may be (I'm not entirely convinced; if you spend a lot of time using it, you WILL run into some pretty hard limits), but for our purposes, we must ask the question: can it analyze Disney comics as well as a human can?  Is my presence unnecessary here?  Well, let's find out.

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"The Junior Woodchucks and the Rabbit's Foot"

I briefly considered doing this one in 2018 when I was binging on old Western stuff, but the schedule was already overstuffed and I wasn't able to fit it in.  There you go: a fascinating look behind the scenes at Duck Comics Revue.  Well, anyway, time to fill a much-needed gap, I suppose.

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"Minnie's Christmas Tree"

 And now, we bring you...another story! But this one's interesting, I promise! Well, kind of. Don't get your hopes too sky-high. But seriously, it is not totally devoid of interest. Feel free to use that as a pull-quote.

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"Postman's Puzzle"

 Here's THIS.  It's story that may not be the most notable, but that I've nonetheless somehow wanted to write about ever since I first read it.  Is it good?  Well...that remains to be seen, although you probably have some idea of how these things tend to go when I get coy at the start.

Don't have any particular plan in mind for Christmas stories this year.  Just as the spirit (or possibly the glögg) moves me.  If you have any ideas for good stories to cover, feel free to suggest them in comments.

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"The Wax Museum"

Boo!  Why no entries for a number of months that I can't bear to contemplate?  Well, no real excuses; the summer was pretty rough, and since then I've been fairly busy with my fellowship in Tallinn.  Anyway, I haven't been completely inactive with my blogs; on my main one, I'm almost finished blogging every Freddy the Pig book.  Whaddaya want from me?!?  Blood?!  Well, it IS Halloween, so maybe that's not unreasonable.  Wax museums are scary, right?  I've never been to one, but probably they are.  

These are all dramatically different reasons to fire someone, aren't they?  The first is for doing something specific, the second is for the sake of a pun, and the third because—presumably—they hired him as a barber without having given him any kind of tryout or anything.  It feels like it's not wholly coherent, somehow—that it doesn't really provide a picture of what fundamental thing about Donald causes these serial sackings.  Then again, maybe that's the point—he contains multitudes.  I enjoy the first one in particular—seems like a remarkably forbearing bakery that lets him get away with the first two dough-mixer naps.  I want to work there; I'd only do it ONCE!  I might get my name on an employee of the month plaque.

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