Friday, September 6, 2024

"What if...? Donald Duck Became the Mighty Thor"

 Gotta be honest: I'm not a big fan of that punctuation system where the question mark isn't at the end.  But it's what we've been given.

Well, I guess we're doing this.  Must we?  Yes, we must.  But fair warning: if this is bad, I'm not going to be as circumspect in my criticisms as I was with that Wolverine story.  This is Marvel, fercryinoutloud, and they shouldn't be able to keep getting away with nonsense.  So, let's have a look, with an open mind to the best of our ability, and see.

In media res.  Hey, Barks did that sometimes!  Maybe this'll be as good as his work!  Sure, let's start with that assumption.

The other thing I should note before we get going is that yes, I'm aware that this is a very close rewrite of the first Mighty Thor story, from 1962.  Not that I'd read it before, but in preparation for this issue, I went back and did.  The things I do for you!  Actually, though, it was no chore; it's cheesy and overwrought in ways you'd expect, but it looks pleasant and it definitely has A Certain Charm to it.  And yes, the Donald version does seem kind of lazy when you know it's just remaking a preexisting story (I suppose the Wolverine one could've been doing that too, but if so, I don't know what, and no one mentioned it in comments, so I'll assume not).  

This naming convention is inconsistent, though.  In spite of the name, Donald didn't "become" Wolverine as part of the story; he just was Wolverine.  Whereas here, Donald does in fact become Thor.  But the answer to the what if? question is, "exactly the same stuff that happened in the original story would happen," which does seem less than thrilling.  Sure, there are some differences in the details, but nothing major.  So oh for crying out loud, let's just get to it. 

Okay, so here's a theoretically normal Disney-comic thing done up in an incomprehensible way.  Sure, we can easily believe that there would be a Junior Woodchucks merit badge for finding Viking relics (though it would probably use the word "Norse").  But what the heck is this?  The first panel seems to be suggesting that there's just some nebulous "medal" that's not specifically Woodchuck-related.  Offered by whom?  UNESCO?  I have to imagine that this was butchered in translation by someone who had very little sense of how these things are meant to work.

Hmm.  Yeah.  "Uncle."  Myth confirmed, I'd say.  That's one of the more maddening things: shit like this makes it very clear that, regardless of the quality of the actual story, the publishers simply do not care even a tiny bit about Disney fans.  They cannot be arsed to get even the most basic details right.  Presumably they don't even know they're doing anything wrong, because they hubristically assumed they could create a Disney story with no input from anyone who knew anything about the form.  This story hasn't been published overseas yet, but it's (fairly obviously) another Italian creation, so I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and assume that the original-language script was better, but fuck this shit.  I just can't imagine who it's supposed to be for--or rather, I can, but I don't see how it actually works in practice.  It's hard to imagine anyone, superhero or duck fans, seeing it as anything more than--AT BEST--a fleeting, mildly amusing diversion.  It's not a timeless classic, that's for sure.

Anyway, no call for any more detail than necessary; these are the villains.  Duck versions of the ones in the original, of course.  Are we having fun yet?

And this somewhat goofy stuff where they show how unstoppable they are in Earth is all in the original, and somewhat goofy there too.

I guess that "Galactic Encyclopedia" thing is meant to be a joke, but it's really just an irksome little distraction (and you might want to establish how <i>normal</i> ducks can sweat before you get to stone ones, though that's probably nitpicking).

What's not in the original are these badly-translated gags where the one stone duck wants to open various unfunny shops.  That is this story's contribution to the discourse.

So to cut to the chase, Donald gets seen by them, chased into a cave, and finds a magic stick that turns him into Thor and itself into Mjolnir.

Sigh, okay.  I guess I just saved this image because I thought it looked at least sort of okay.  I mean, not that cool, but it could be worse!  Probably!  That's me, all positivity!

Then there's this.  It seems totally pointless, as this limitation has no relevance in the rest of the story, but in fairness, it also appears in the original, where it also has no other relevance.  I assume in that one, though, it was meant to set up possibilities for future stories.  Here, it's just nonsense, and I don't think familiarity with another story should be mandatory to understand why it's happening, even if that IS true for a lot of superhero stuff.

And it really is sort of rubbing our noses in it when--ON THE SAME PAGE--he then lets go of it again and doesn't revert to regular Donald.  It's specified in the original that there's a sixty-second gap before he turns back, but no such thing is specified here.

In the original...man, I really hate saying that.  But there, it's at least shown that these aliens have been detected, and fighter jets are sent after then.  Here, we have no idea why these jets are these, since there's no indication that anyone else is aware of them.  If you're going to remake a story, you have to include all the parts that make it cohere.  You can't just leave them out like this.  It is lazy and half-assed.

And then: a giant robot.  I will credit the story with one thing: this fight isn't very long or climactic, but it's actually more so than the original, in which Thor just wallops it one time with the hammer and reduces it to rubble.  It does look more menacing here.

And hell, I'll even admit that that's an okay gag.  Ish.

Still, I can't say it ends particularly satisfyingly.  If only they'd given it the proper treatment, this could have been avoided.  Donald remaining alive, that is.

Anyway, that's all.  In the original (argh!), the guy who turns into Thor uses a walking cane, so it makes sense for Mjolnir to turn back to he can take it with him.  But here, it is completely unclear what happens to it.  You wouldn't think Donald would just toss it, but it sure isn't included in these final images, which would have been the easiest thing in the world.  Though if anyone who touches it really turns into Thor, wouldn't that be an issue?  Well, the original didn't address that either, so whatevz.

Please do not wink at me like that.  I do not care to be implicated in your lame story.  I suppose if I'm going to be maximally generous, I could say that there's nothing particularly awful about the premise.  It's just that almost everything decent about the premise comes from elsewhere, and the execution is not terrific.  There's just no reason for it to exist.  Sorry not sorry.

Well, at any rate, now Marvel is probably done; I can't imagine that they would try to expand this not-particularly-fruitful concept into even more--

...goddammit.  Well, look forward to that one, I guess.  Or else fling yourself off a steep embankment.  The choice is yours.

(Also, I feel like I shouldn't end this without noting that Thor already canonically exists in the Disneyverse, and that "Mythtic Mystery" came out over a year before the Marvel job.  It's one of my least favorite Barks stories, but I'll take it over this.  I'm not sure what point I'm making, but a better script than the one we get here might've lampshaded that in some way.)

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12 Comments:

Blogger Debbie Anne said...

I image that they’re doing another story so they’ll have enough of these to fill a trade paperback edition with all three of these plus the Infinity Dime story (although that seems to be getting a hardcover edition with all of the covers, the Barks story and some “behind the scenes” material).

September 6, 2024 at 11:48 PM  
Blogger Achille Talon said...

Well, the Thor in "Mythtic Mystery" is an alien who decided to adopt the identity after hearing about Norse mythology from space-storm-scooped Vikings who were *already* worshipping Thor, so it doesn't preclude the idea of a "real", genuinely supernatural god Thor. As a matter of fact, a cursory INDUCKS search yields that a long-form "Donald finds Thor's Hammer" story without any Marvel gimmick was indeed published in 2010 in Denmark, titled "Duck of Thunder".

Anyway…

Dear, dear, dear. That looks mighty machine-translated to me. I think the smoking gun is that it was clearly "Encyclopedia Galactica" in the original, which is either a stock gag or a Douglas Adams reference depending on how generous you're being. But, translating from Italian, the machine (or drone who may as well be a machine) translated "Galactica" as if it were Italian rather than Latin. For shame…

It's a pity such slick art and colouring is wasted on this indifferent script and hideous translation job: I actually quite like it. Miles above the Wolverine story at least.

I'm not sure if anyone who picks up the hammer becomes Thor, exactly. I'm no expert but isn't the Marvel thing that the guy who finds it was genuinely Thor's human reincarnation, guided to the cave by his Destiny? (Then again, unless we commit to this being a what-if, I don't like what this says about Donald if we applied it here.)

I wonder if they'll keep alternating between Marvel-themed Duck stories which restore the status quo and could be read as entirely normal stories if you handed them to someone with no knowledge of the Marvel riffs (like "Infinity Dime") and the more starkly parallel-universe-y ones like that "Wolverine" and the announced Minnie Marvel. Whose faux-retro cover I do rather like, I think it's the best one of these so far, covers-wise. Of course, when Don Rosa did these things for convention prints he kept it *at* the cover, and that was plenty enough…

(Pete as what appears to be the Scorpion makes more sense than Pete as the Red Skull. Although on the flipside the Scorpion is an egregiously artless design and always has been, so making him a cat-bear-thing in the costume doesn't yield anything particularly memorable. Oh, and say… Is that Emil Eagle with a crewcut?)

September 8, 2024 at 3:46 PM  
Blogger Pan Miluś said...

Yup. Agree with Achille. Marvel's Scorpio is one of lamest designs but I take it over the one from "Spider-verse". Which felt like very odd mash-up of random things (other then that great movie)

"Thor" was one of those Marvel superheroes I didn't cared for before the movies... and from what I recall from an American comic book podcast I did fallow at the time no one did. He was one of these character that stick-around since he was part of orginal "Avangers" and mythology leads to some cool visuals, but no one had much hope and it was Chris Hemsworth's charm and charisma that made the character (plus Marvel was smart enough to not treat him 100% serious)

From what I can tell this story feels sort of generic - Donald get's Thor's powers, use them to beat-up some aliens thingis, hurrah.

It seriously feels like wasted opertunities where they could go crazy with Donald having double life as good of thunger, maybe using the powers to help in his every day life or play around with idea no one can't lift the hammer but Thor (I'm not sure was that idea in the early comics as well) or have Gladstone turn into Loki or that Donald was chosen the new Thor by mistake (Asgardian gods realy suck with comupters) or... something.

Idk. Feels like idea writers would at least try to do something more wacky, and here they it just felt like they went with "What will make a cool series of covers" it will make.

I do guess they are planing to make bunch of more Disney "What if's" stories and then publish it one volume so there will be more comming soon. Minnie as Captain Marvel has nicest covers but to me it's like "Hey! Let's combine Disney's most boring heroine with Marvels most boring heroine". But that's a personal opnion.

At least go wacky and do "What if Goofy was Doctor Doom".

- Hi Goofy! Did you found that new job you where looking for?
- I sure did Mick! I just got hired as the evil dictator of an mirco-nation that worships me as their unquestion god, with goals to combine mistical and technology to make entire world bow to my will or face fate worst then death. Ah hyug!
- Well Minnie and I are planing to go see a movie and... WHAT?!
- Gosh, I don't want to be late on my first day! See you Mick!
- No! Goofy! Wait... God damnit...

September 9, 2024 at 7:42 AM  
Blogger Pan Miluś said...

I did checked that orginal THOR story. It's fun and I loveJack Kirby style. I did read a lot of Fantastic Fours, Spide-mans and Doctor Strange from this time so I see the charm of this type of comics but the cover...

"Introducing Mighty Thor... THE MOST EXCITING SUPERHERO OF ALL TIME". I just love how fucking un-modest this is. Well done Stan.

BTW - Buy "Dollicious"! Your NEW FAVORITE COMIC BOOK EVER!

September 9, 2024 at 11:25 AM  
Blogger Pan Miluś said...

Also the robot Thor/Donald fights look like the one from the living armor from the movie but is totaly difrent then the one in the orginal story - I usme it's refrence to some later Thor lore character.

September 9, 2024 at 12:01 PM  
Blogger Debbie Anne said...

I would sooner just see stories where we see Donald Duck as…Donald Duck! *GASP!* What a concept! It’ll never catch on…
Actually I did like the books where they had Uncle Scrooge doing “Les Miserables” and “War and Peace” and the one full of Ernest Hemingway riffs. Maybe because none of them were Marvel Comics characters…

September 9, 2024 at 6:20 PM  
Blogger Pan Miluś said...

The upcomming Mickey and Minnie in "Metropolis" looks cool.

September 9, 2024 at 6:31 PM  
Blogger J. Bencomo said...

>And yes, the Donald version does seem kind of lazy when you know it's just remaking a preexisting story (I suppose the Wolverine one could've been doing that too, but if so, I don't know what, and no one mentioned it in comments, so I'll assume not).

Sigh. Since you asked, I'll try answering.

The Donald as Wolverine story takes from Wolverine- Old Man Logan, a story by Mark Millar that is also about Wolverine being retired and Hawkeye approaching him to stop a coallition of villains of which Red Skull is part of. That's where the similarities end, since in the comic the coallition of villains' world takeover is much more impressive than Pete and some Beagles, and while Hulk is in both stories, in the comic... how should I put this...

In the comic Hulk has gone insane, raped his cousin She-Hulk now with a Disney Plus series, and sired a family of human eating hillbilly inbreed Hulks, and they are some of the villains Wolverine fights in this story.

That, obviously, is something that couldn't be done in a Disney comic with lovable Goofy playing Hulk, because Goofy has no female cousins. Why else?

But now you know the story. You probably were better off not knowing.

September 9, 2024 at 11:34 PM  
Blogger J. Bencomo said...

In the comics only those who are worthy can pick Thor's Mjolnir up. Anyone else who tries it just cannot lift the thing, those who do and aren't Thor don't exactly become Thor, but they gain his powers and sometimes also a spiffy Thor-esque outfit. Captain America, Wonder Woman and Superman, from when Marvel and DC still crossovered, have all briefly held Mjolnir to such effect.

Originally the guy, Doc Donald- heh-- Blake, was just that, a regular crippled guy who just happened to find Mjolnir, but later a retcon said he was an amnesic Thor his father Odin had placed into a frail crippled human body to teach him humility, because Odin was the worst.

September 9, 2024 at 11:40 PM  
Blogger GeoX, one of the GeoX boys. said...

Probably, but I appreciate it nonetheless!

September 10, 2024 at 11:30 AM  
Blogger Achille Talon said...

The new "Metropolis" book actually also includes an official translation of "Donaldus Faustus" by good old David Gersten! (*And* of its sequel.) Very curious to see how it compares to yours…

September 19, 2024 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger GeoX, one of the GeoX boys. said...

Probably not as wordy as mine, to its benefit...but ALSO, probably fewer Marlowe references, to its deficit.

October 3, 2024 at 2:36 PM  

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