"The Skiing/Clock Bandit"

Happy New Year! Let's hope 2026 is less horrible! I feel like that's probably gonna require rolling a natural twenty, but it's worth a shot.

Inducks calls this "The Skiing Bandit," but they also claim that the Australian publication was titled "The Clock Bandit."  I can't verify this one way or the other, but either one is fine.  So anyway, here's a New Year story. Absolutely, that's what this is. Is there any evidence of this? Well, there's snow. And it was published in January. That's all the evidence you will get, and, I think, all you need. Some Dick Moores for y'all! Try to imagine ANY other context in which that phrase could get people excited. And yes, I know: you're not excited. That's why I'm writing this and you're not.

It IS cozy to be inside on such a day. I like that about this image.

And YET, I do have to concede that it would even cozier after some outdoor exertions.

It DOES seem like an open-and-shut case. You've gotta wonder if Donald REALLY thought this feeble obfuscation would work. This characterizes the whole story: small problems coming up and then instantly being swatted aside, just as a way to take up space.

Lest you think this be petty nitpicking, though (note use of subjunctive mood), I should say...well, okay, it's always some of that. Ya GOTTA nitpick! Pettily or not. But the point is, cards on the table, I like Dick Moores, generally. In spite of a certain hideous quality to his art, and in spite of some typically dopey naive plotting, I think he's better than most, actually. And I actually didn't mean that to sound like hedging as much as it does, but I'm serious. I mean, I will take this story in a hot second over ANY of the ones in that Show Boat thing.

That said, I must ask: how does Moores imagine the logistics of a ski trip like this are meant to work, exactly? I mean, if they're staying there, presumably that means they're staying in some sort of lodge, and that's GOTTA be cozy enough for Donald (there could be the issue of price, but that never comes up). Does Moores imagine that they'd be camping? That sounds nuts, but it's hard to know what other conclusion to draw. Yeah, yeah, I know, he wasn't thinking about it at all. The usual thing.

They're stopped for the space of one (1) panel, and then the universe just sprints up to magically resolve the problem.  Pulse-pounding.

This is actually really good slapstick stuff for the kids, it seems to me. Quite well-played. Also viscerally terrifying for anyone who's ever lost control of a car on ice, but hey. This comic is not intended for people in that demographic. We're not wanted!

CRASH! indeed. That's pretty intense. I mean, it gives you your money's worth, I guess, but also, it seems kind of extreme, even as comic-book crashing around goes. It's hard to escape the conclusion that they would all break every bone in their bodies. But! They're birds, you know, who have lightweight, hollow bones. Maybe that's the reason for their survival. Nah, what are we saying? We all know that none of these characters have avian traits. And in any case, even if we accept it, the car would still be totaled. Good thing it didn't land a few feet forward, or goodbye angry clerk.

I want to emphasize that these panels come RIGHT after the previous. I am not cutting anything out between them. So the angry clerk has to be doing some dimension-shifting stuff to have grabbed HDL like that. Fear him.

Interesting also to note that "I haven't got it" would be a characteristically British way to express that idea. An American would more likely say "I don't have it." Does this give us some kind of insight into the author? Not really. Anyway, I think it's just Moores. These stories ARE clearly all written by the same person, which doesn't prove anything, but I think Moores could hack it himself. I believe in him. Besides, I have zero alternate authorship theories.

Yes, now we are lurching from wintertime hijinx to clock theft.  Why not?  This exciting twist would have been spoiled for you in advance, had you been reading the original Australian edition. Maybe.

This is legit pretty funny. You guys are terrible clock guards! Also, imagine how strong you'd have to be to just yoink a grandfather clock like that.

Look! It's fulla action! Somewhat slapdash action, admittedly, but as I said above, you're getting your money's worth here. Barks gives you more than your money's worth, a lot of Western stories give you less, but this one is just about in that sweet spot.

Also, our first look at our antagonist. Moores enjoyed drawing weird-looking homunculi like this, but giving him a Napoloeon clock hat does a good job of succinctly summing up his character, I think.

Ha! HA, I say! "Our duck feet are as good as snowshoes!" So they DO have avian traits; hence, they have hollow bones. I think we've cracked this case wiiiiide open, boys!  Also explains why this spill left them essentially uninjured.

The thot plickens! A hole in a tree, like some kind of faerie tale or adventure game! Never mind how realistic it is, I'm sorry I even mentioned it, but kids love this stuff. As do I!

I mean look, this is just one of three stories Moores cranked out for Donald Duck 33, in 1954. That's kind of a lot of work, I should think, even if you aren't some kind of world-historical genius. And he did not fuck around with us! He gave us Clock-Man here! A Silver-Age Batman villain (and yes, it seems likely that there's ALSO a Batman villain called "Clock Man")! That's the kind of value you just can't count on these days! And why does he want to do this?

And he's going to kill a bunch of people with an avalanche to live out his ASMR fetish (and I mean that kind of literally--"it tickles my eardrums" sounds VERY much like something ASMR enthusiasts might say).  I'm not sure avalanches are considered in world-historical terms, but sure, fine.

Why does Donald call him "Roscoe?" Your guess is as good as mine. Some sort of cultural thing that's faded?

Look how exciting this is! Well, maybe. But at any rate, it's trying, kind of!

Comment is probably superfluous here.  Even more so than usual, that is.

The plan doesn't work, so they helpfully find the dude a thing he can listen to without inflicting massive death and suffering. Fair enough. I guess, though this would sound nothing like an avalanche.. Though you do have to wonder: we ARE aware that audio recording technology existed in 1954, yeah? I feel like there HAS to have been an easier way to get the desired effect.

And how about this, I have to say, fantastically creepy ending. "Nightmarish," someone might say. "Vaguely Junji-Ito-esque," someone else might add. I can't imagine that this was Moores' intention, or, really, that he HAD any intention other than okay we've filled twelve pages; how can we get out of this quick? But man. His thing where he puts pupils in the exact center of eyes certainly doesn't help any.