"Volcano Valley"

Here at Duck Comics Revue LLC, we have a credo. That's right, a credo. And our credo is: Carl Barks kicks ass. But wait! Our credo has a SECOND part to it, to wit: nobody is without sin, and by "sin" we mean "risible duck comics that never should have been written." Our goal is to present the master in all his dimensions, including both his glory and his lack thereof. Hence: "Volcano Valley."

Promising title, right? So you might think. But as it turns out, the entire thing is basically one, long "Mexicans are lazy" joke. Yeah, there's a little bit of story beyond that, but it doesn't really make much sense. No, they aren't actually in Mexico, but really, who is fooling whom? I ask you. It's not even bad in an intriguing way. But we'll give it a glance anyway.

So Donald orders a model airplane for HDL, but what he gets instead, for reasons that are unclear, is a fullsize bomber plane, which he then sells to a horrifying little homunculus with a Speedy Gonzalez accent, who hails from the South-of-the-Borderish nation of Volcanovia and who is loitering around the airport for reasons which are again unclear:



A mildly interesting topical detail is the fact that Donald gets tricked into thinking he's getting way more than he actually is due to the badly devalued Volcanovian currency--although the reader can predict that this is going to happen pretty much instantly, of course, so it isn't a too terribly thrilling plot twist. The Volcanovian, whose name is--sigh--Pablo Mañana (the tilde lends his character authenticity!), offers to take them for a ride before leaving, and if nothing else, we get--out of nowhere--a scene of Donald exhibiting sexual jealousy:



Rightio! Due to Pablo's getting lost and falling asleep (Volcanovians need their siestas, you see), the ducks get flown to Volcanovia itself. The place, as you have probably gathered, is lousy with volcanoes. Volcanoes and lazy people:



Two great tastes that taste etc. I dunno, though. Even though I don't think it's the comic's intent, there's something to be said for this attitude as a counterpoint to our work-obsessed culture. And as the Volcanovian President remarks at one point, this is "the most peaceful countree [sic] on Earth." Maybe it's not really such a bad deal.

For reasons that are unclear (I seem to be using that phrase a lot here), visitors are not allowed to leave the country unless they're able to do something to make them "national heroes." Seems impractical, but we must respect the Volcanovian folkways. Anyway, Donald tries several hero-making things. The first one is to teach the people how to milk cows, which is apparently beyond their ken. But oh no!--there's an earthquake as he's demonstrating, and all the milk turns into butter. As someone who, in preschool, was ordered to try to make butter by shaking a jar of milk, allow me to assure you that this would NOT WORK. You'd think that butter would be at least as good as milk, though, for Don's purposes. But no. Then, he accidentally dumps food on the President's head, and instead of a National Hero, he is declared a National Menace and must stand trial.

This is actually one of the most interesting parts of the story: only one juror shows up (yes, laziness, let's not dwell on it)--a guy who happens to be an American expatriate. What's this dude's story? It's a fascinating mystery! Or not! But still! As you might gather, Texas Tex turns out to be a Texan, and we get this bit, which may or may not be a stab at social commentary.



Whatever it is, I find it kind of amusing.

So Donald is found guilty and is going to be sent to work in the mines. Oh no! We DO get this bit, which, for a huge duck comic dork like me, almost makes the whole thing worthwhile:



HORTENSE!!!!! I have to admit, I got WAY more excited about this line than anyone reasonably would, especially given that this was written well before there was any sort of established duck genealogy (Grandma Duck is actually HDL's great-grandmother, for what it's worth). Just goes to show who you're dealing with here. We also get this bit of angst as HDL, having been knocked out by minivolcanoes (it's a bigger problem than you think) fail to rescue him:



Okay, so let's cut this short: he escapes, and tries to become a hero by warning everyone that the big volcano is going to erupt and pwn them all. The ducks and Pablo decide to stop it by dumping barrels of...something in it to block it up. VOLCANOES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. But here they do, I guess, except that, um, the contents of the barrel turn out to be somewhat suboptimal:



I can only assume that soon after, the country was engulfed in magma. I mean, how is the popcorn going to STOP it? So they leave. And the story ends. And we breathe a sigh of relief.

Actually, I guess it isn't quite as bad as I made it out to be: some maybe-social-commentary, a nationalistic Texan, and HORTENSE!!! What more could you ask for? Well, a great deal, actually. All that is kind of overshadowed by the "lazy Mexicans" business. But at least it's something, and it means that the comic is perhaps not a completely complete loss.