"The Hunt for White December"

And now, A VERY UNCLE SCROOGE 348 CHRISTMAS (and I realize now that I kinda forgot I was calling it that for the last three entries) sputters to an unceremonious halt, though there might be another gift in the bottom of Santa's sack for Christmas day. This 1982 story (originally titled "White Christmas Worries" but redubbed "The Hunt for White December" for its US release, which, well, is definitely a movie reference) gets covered last, naturally, because it's the marquee story, on account of being longer than the others and, well, more like how you'd expect an issue of U$ to start. Whether it deserves that honor...is to be determined. Tee. Bee. Dee.

So here's the sitch. I find this idea pretty odd, here and wherever it appears. Even back when we were getting more snow than we are now (but not for climate-change reasons I swear LOOK A FOREIGNER), snow on Christmas was a desirable but far from guaranteed phenomenon, and if it didn't happen, well, no biggie. But here we have these weird people treating it like it's some sort of disaster or indeed unusual in any way.

So...does this seem like a normal Scrooge thing to you? Getting all worked up over the weather? I'd have to say no. In fact, I'd have to say it's extremely bizarre (but more on this momentarily).

"Argus McSwine." Where does that name come from? If you had the vague idea that it was some Barks story, like I did before I looked into it in more depth, you are mistaken. "McSwine" does appear in "The Milkman," but "Argus" is nowhere to be seen. According to this, it's just something that was decided by fiat in 1990, and now inducks insists that all of Barks' pig-face villains are the same character. I think this is an extremely dumb idea, first because they self-evidently aren't, and second because choosing a new, goofy name every time is fun. I suppose some later writers may have made an effort to imagine this particular incarnation of the pig-face villain as one particular person, though. Not that interesting to me, but fine, I guess.

I do find "I meant what I said, Argus McSwine!" kind of awkward here. Obviously it's just using the full name for the reader's benefit, but is there any reason the reader needs to know his full name? Lots of Barks stories didn't bother with such niceties for these villains.

But anyway, as for the weirdly out-of-character weather wager...apparently Scrooge knew all along it was going to snow, so he got all belligerent about it knowing McSwine could be goaded into making a huge bet that it wouldn't and then he could take his money? Um. Even if this plan didn't seem so far-fetched, the idea that Scrooge would be unscrupulous in this way simply does not track. I mean, sure sure, you have the Barks one-pagers where he tricks the guy into giving him free or cheap coffee, but I don't think you can extrapolate from those to longer stories, and WHATEVER, MAN, this is just silly as all anything.

Oh no, VILLAIN TEAM-UP. Of sorts. I've noted in the past that I don't normally find such things super-compelling, but, well...I don't know how to end this sentence. "Email" seems dubious in a story from '82, but whatevz.

Here we go. I'll admit, it seems like a pretty solid plan. Hya!

Those are some zombie-looking nephews there. This "let's look for books about snow!" thing seems questionable at best. Also, if we're stipulating that they have email, they must have the internet, and they'd probably just look there instead. See what happens when you try to modernize? Inconsistencies can creep in.

Right, so I have to admit, I've never really warmed to Daniel Branca's art (Vicar yes, Branca no). Still, he has his moments. I think his Magica is good in general, and I really enjoy Librarian Magica.

Yeah, yeah...we might as well admit it, this whole thing is on the silly side; maybe Disney comics are fundamentally silly on some level, but characters should stay in character, even if there's some wiggle room as to what that means. Or so I believe.

Well, though it remains silly, I'll admit I'm amused by this explanation, and particularly by the phrase "heartfelt yawp."

Yes, okay, so this goes exactly as you'd think. But come on, really, EVERYONE knows it's nine ladies dancing. EVERYONE, I say! I'd be more forgiving if you messed up the pipers piping and drummers drumming, but this is unforgivable. UNFORGIVABLE!!!11

There we go. We're all happy except OMG, why is Scrooge sad? Shouldn't Donald know his uncle well enough by now to understand why he's not jumping for joy? Again, I'm not sure about the characterizations in this story.

Um...#toptenanimebetrayals? Is that an appropriate meme? Look, ultimately, all I want is to momentarily trick people into thinking I'm one of the cool kids. Is that too much to ask?

There IS the point to be made here that it's never really that edifying when the heroes win out only due to factors completely outside their control. But I guess I like the kids playing in the snow, anyway.

Hmmm. About that. See, I kind of think you DO welch on deals. I think that's one of your main things, really. And at any rate, you WERE happy to cheat to win the contest (notwithstanding that Scrooge kind of cheated first). The morality here is pretty dubious. It's supposed to be this "oh look, he may be bad, but he has an honorable core!" Which you're supposed to just accept seemingly for no other reason than that it's a common trope, but which I don't think there's ever been any evidence of ever.

And...really. Stop pretending this character has a long and storied rivalry/love-hate relationship with Scrooge when he self-evidently does not. There has never ever been anything good about him. You could probably just about get away with this with Glomgold or Rockerduck, but this guy? Get the heck outta here, ya bum! I guess I can give it a little leeway for Christmas, but on its own, this is not convincing on any level.

Welp, this is what Gemstone put together for a Barksless issue of one of their flagship publications. Not that great, is it? They could definitely have done better. Except for that Van Horn joint, none of the stories are really bad, but nothing too spectacular here. CHRISTMAS IS RUINED! Well, not quite. We'll definitely have something better for the day itself.